Daddy & Arif

My Beloved came across this because I decided I need a professional url. Clearly this is not it but it is a wonderful chance to celebrate another loved one, my brother Arif who was three years younger than me and  someone I have always been in love with. I have been in love with all my siblings and am now with my  dogs and  my children-which includes my nieces. There is a fairy tale quality to being in love because that person or being is still on a pedestal and can be loved unconditionally-truly.

It is funny (not haha) that Arif died in the same month as daddy-on October 5th 2012 and daddy died on the 11th, 2009. Funny because it it the Wiccan time of saying goodbye to you all loves and cutting of painful ties. As such it cannot happen until you are truly ready and I was not ready to let go of my pain over daddy until this past year. I sat in the warm night on October 31st and asked daddy to look after Arif even though I knew there was no need to ask-that was for my own relief. I told daddy how very much I loved him, how I still missed him but the piercing ache had gone and I was no longer angry or resentful that he had gone.

Rumi said "Where am I going on this  glorious journey? To your home, of course". Well, daddy is home.

I deliberately chose not to mention Arif, other than that request because it would have been lying to act as if I was in any way ready to take leave of Arif.

It has been just over 10 months since Arif died. He died within a week. Took himself to the ER on a Monday and died that Friday. He  died of renal failure just like daddy but from very different causes. Okay, I will try again later. I can feel my heart aching and my eyes filling up. Perhaps not the best day to talk about Arif. I miss him so very very much.

Apa